I’m somewhere between an atheist (I don’t believe in god/s), an antitheist (I think others shouldn’t believe in god/s), and an apatheist (I don’t care about god/s). Sometimes I call myself a “freethinker.”
I was raised Episcopal. My Mom goes to church most weeks, and donates her time and money to a small congregation in a small town that’s been struggling for as long as I’ve been alive. I appreciate their sense of community, and my mom appreciates the ceremonies and the music and the liturgy and the community. She’s the reason I think churches can be valuable community and personal resources, even if you don’t literally believe in their gospel.
I’ve read a fair amount of the Bible, more Old Testament than New, and it doesn’t make much sense to me. But if you dig deep enough and are selective, it gives examples and stories that help you live your life and understand your world and relate to other people. So do Aesop’s fables. I don’t think either is actually meant to be taken literally.
I’ve read a lot about Buddhism, Zen and Taoism, and I appreciate the metaphysical questions they raise, but I haven’t studied enough to call myself one of these, and I consider them philosophical, not religious.
What I understand is this: religion isn’t about “making up God.” God is just the MacGuffin. In fiction, a MacGuffin is an object or event necessary to the plot and the motivation of the characters, but insignificant in itself. The point of religion is to build and bind communities. To make people feel they are part of something larger than themselves. To give life and death meaning.
I’ve been “confirmed” as Episcopal, and I was and am still an atheist. About the time I was confirmed, I began to understand that religion was just morality stories, padded with a bunch of other fluff. You don’t have to believe, you just have to translate and find your own meaning in their stories. This “meta” understanding of religion works well for me. When I visit home on high holidays and go with my Mom, I don’t take communion anymore, and it drives the priest nuts, though he can’t really ask about it or pressure me to do it.
What turned me into a confirmed atheist? The Book of Job. God lets the devil convince him to “test” Job. So he kills off his wives and children and servants and animals in horrible ways. Job remains faithful. God tortures Job in horrible ways. At some point Job and God work everything out, because of course God is awesome. Job gets back new wives, new children, new servants and animals. Happily ever after. Except if you were one of the wives, children, servants or animals. Sucks to be you.
I understand this is the Old Testament God. But the story convinced me I didn’t want anything to do with a God like this.