Annual advisory.
Friends don’t let friends drink green Budweiser.
Do yourself a favor and hoist a pint of the brown. Or “the broon,” as they say.
The Rule of Guinness (attributed to Todd):
- The first Guinness of the night tastes like a Guinness.
- The second really tastes like a Guinness.
- The third really REALLY tastes like a Guinness.
- The fourth, and any subsequent, taste like root beer floats.
You can have a Black & Tan. If you use Bass instead of Harp, rejoice in the fact that the Irish comes out on top. Quality rises.
If you must be ironic, put a few drops of green food coloring in a pint of Czech lager, and realize no one else will get that joke.
They say everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. But not everyone ends the day drunk off their ass and passed out in a gutter. Those that do: they’re the real heroes. Please try to step over them.
Be kind to snakes, as there are none in Heaven or Ireland.
Enjoy your corned beef and cabbage, and joke about how all Scottish food is based on a dare.
Vow once again to read Ulysses, or even Finnegans Wake. Fail to get past the first few pages.
Introduce yourself to people as “Angus the wall-builder.”
Listen to the Pogues, the Young Dubliners, Flogging Molly (saw them the night before — never imagined I’d see crowd-surfing to Irish folk music), the Chieftans, and the Dropkick Murphys. But not that damned kilt song — besides, it’s Scottish.
Wear your kilt proudly. Regimentally. Answer inquiries: “Ye’ll have to check fer yersaelf, lassie.”