Written in the spirit of the day.
Friends don’t let friends drink green Budweiser.
Do yourself a favor and hoist a pint of the brown. Or “the broon” as they say.
The Rule of Guinness, as taught to me by Todd:
The first Guinness of the night tastes like a Guinness.
The second really tastes like a Guinness.
The third really REALLY tastes like a Guinness.
The fourth, and any subsequent, taste like root beer floats.
You can even have yourself a Black & Tan, or a Half & Half. If you use Bass instead of Harp, rejoice in the fact that the Irish comes out on top. Quality rises.
They say everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. But not everyone ends the day drunk off their ass and passed out in a gutter. Those that do — they’re the real heroes. Please try to step over them.
Be kind to snakes, as there are none in Heaven or Ireland.
Ponder why people speaking with Irish accents always sound so bloody ironic.
Wear orange. See if anyone notices.
Vow once again to read Ulysses, or even Finnegans Wake. Fail to get past the first few pages.
Introduce yourself to people as “Angus the wall-builder.”
Wear your kilt proudly. Answer inquiries: “Ye’ll have to check fer yersaelf, lassie.”